Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
