I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
soo... how was my night?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
