the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
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All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
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We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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