Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
