If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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