We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I could fuck to npr.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
