Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
dude i'm inner monologue high
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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