Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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