Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
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You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
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My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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