Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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