Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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