So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
