I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
