my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
