you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
