Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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