how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I will be naked everywhere
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
