Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
