Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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