Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize