chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
