Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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