I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
