I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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