I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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