Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
