My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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