I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
