Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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