I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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