He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize