I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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