We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
