yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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