she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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