a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
