Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
