he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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