the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
