I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
