Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
