I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
