i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
