i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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