I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
