Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize