I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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