But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I wear drunk well.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize