Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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