JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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