The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
