sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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