Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
