the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
