i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
