I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's blow job season.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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