i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
