Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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