i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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